07/09/2009

i need a one piece.

today i made the mistake of trying on some bikinis at victorias secret... orrrr more like one bikini bottom then i got the hell out of there before i started crying and/or threw up. the sales associate probably thought i stole everything with how quickly i ran out of that fitting room. 


i know i'm being too hard on myself because i just GAVE BIRTH less than 5 weeks ago. and i've lost 20 pounds already and i'm not even allowed to work out yet. and i gained exactly the amount of weight i was supposed to gain during my pregnancy... but it's still really difficult to look at this new weirdly shaped body. ESPECIALLY in a bikini. and that stupid fitting room had the worst lighting ever... blah.

i've never been so excited to sweat my ass off on an elliptical machine in my LIFE. 15 pounds to go... i'll keep you posted.

07/06/2009

paolo nutini

i saw this guy on pbs last night. i found his voice to be very soothing and downloaded his first album "these streets." it's pretty good. some songs are a little corny for my usual taste in music, but i like the nice slow ones with piano, ( since i am old now?! ) my favorite is "autumn." i've listened to it about 12 times. he said it's about his grandpa. you should download it. 
paolo nutini 

he just released his second album "sunny side up" in june. i haven't downloaded that one, but from what i heard by listening to the clips on itunes, it's pretty interesting. a lot of different musical genres mixed up in there. i like the folksy ones best. 

and although i don't agree with is tattoos, he's pretty easy on the eyes, too. 

POOPED! i hate disposable diapers

when cloth diaper skeptics are worried that cloth diapers will leak, or that they don't have time to do the laundry, or whatever... probably 85% of all disposable diapers we have used on vada (pampers swaddlers) have leaked, both poop and pee. she wakes up totally soaked! through the diaper, through the clothes, through the swaddling blanket. totally annoying. i'm doing so much laundry anyway, i might as well be washing cloth diapers, too! ugh. 

i had hoped that vada would be in 100% cloth by now, but she won't get fat. i planned on exclusively using fuzzibunz pocket diapers. we have a few that i received as shower gifts and they are HUGE on her since she weighs less than 7lbs and is such a tall skinny girl. supposedly, size small fuzzibunz should fit a 5 inch thigh, but hers are 6 inches (yea, i measured) and they still just float around in the leg openings. bumming me out!

too big :(

since i don't have my "stash" yet, i've been doing more research. i found that gdiapers have a cloth insert alternative now, so i ordered myself a little starter pack of those to try. maybe they will be smaller? if not, i will probably just get a bunch of newborn size prefolds, some snappis, and a few covers to hold me over until she puts on a few more pounds and can fit into something else. we have one more case of swaddlers left, and i never want to buy another disposable diaper ever again!

07/02/2009

screw la leche league II

i didn't really mean to publish the last post, i wasn't finished!


i just wanted to say that at first i was really bummed out. i felt like a failure and a loser. but then i decided to turn my frown upside down... as long as she is a healthy girl, it doesn't matter how she gets there! we are both so much happier now.

one of the hardest things about becoming a mama is that you have all these plans and expectations about how things are going to go... your pregnancy, childbirth, how you plan on raising your baby... sometimes it just doesn't work out that way, and that's ok. 

just wanted to let other new mamas know about my troubles with this in case they have any troubles of their own... 

<3

screw la leche league

disclaimer: don't read this post if you don't feel like reading about poop and breast feeding.

i had planned on exclusively breast feeding vada. it was actually one of the things i looked most forward to in becoming a mother - that special bonding. unfortunately, despite following all the breast feeding nazis' rules to the t, it turns out i won't be able to do that.


i've done everything i'm supposed to do in order to "train" vada and to establish a healthy supply. i started nursing her literally minutes after she was born. i nursed her on demand, and at least every 3 hours, waking her up if necessary, in order to establish a good supply and to keep her growing. she was never jaundiced, and at her first appointment at the pediatrician's office, she was already back to her birth weight! doc was really happy to hear it, and we decided that i wouldn't need to come in for four more weeks! yay!

a few days after this appointment, things started to change. her poop changed color and consistency, and she was getting increasingly fussier and fussier. she slept less and less. feeding on demand meant i was literally feeding her all day and all night. i let her finish one side, then offered the other. i never pulled her off or cut her short, always let her unlatch herself when she was finished.  she never seemed to be satisfied! 

after a week at home, it was getting worse. neither of us were sleeping...  she would only sleep a maximum of 40 minutes and wake up totally starving (rooting around, sucking her hands off, yelling at me...) after nursing for 2 hours! it was seriously non-stop and just weird. she also didn't seem to be gaining weight. i chalked it up to be "cluster feeding" or a growth spurt. i thought maybe she was just a "high needs" baby. 

another week passed and i decided SCREW THIS babies don't cluster feed for their WHOLE LIVES. something was definitely not right. i finally took her to the doctors yesterday to get her weighed and to talk about her weird green poop. upsettingly, she had only gained 1 ounce over her birthweight, and she was three and a half weeks old! i cried... luckily the doctor was running behind and took forever to come into the room so i could get myself together and not look like a freaking idiot. 

he checked her poop for blood to rule out an allergy. luckily, that doesn't seem to be the problem. now i can't decide if i have a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance (read here and here), or just a problem with my supply. even though the breastmilk nazis say it's pretty much impossible to have a supply problem because "the more breast milk they take, the more your breasts make." "it's a supply and demand system!" i was feeding her every five seconds and it was never enough!

so now i am supplementing with formula: enfamil gentlease. since her first bottle of formula, she has been a completely different person. so happy and full and sleepy! she is still fussy and grouchy and starving after breast feeding and i don't understand why. 

06/28/2009

my favorite part of the day

<3

<3

my two favorite snugglers in our cozy bed <3


06/23/2009

diaper changing milk machines

i can see how some women can lose their sense of self after having children... all the sudden you become a diaper changing milk machine. i happen to be a very happy and proud diaper changing milk machine! some days are easier than others, but here are some ways that i have managed to stay sane and hold on to "me" during these first few weeks with a newborn:


1. take a shower, put on my makeup, and blow dry my hair every day.
when i was really young, i had a babysitter teach me all kinds of little life lessons that for some reason really influenced me... i still think of her and follow her little bits of advice, like 20 years later. one thing she taught me was to always try to look pretty for your husband when he gets home from work! and one day a week, at least, get really dolled up for him. i take this really seriously. who wants to come home from a long day at work to a haggard wife and crying baby? not only does this help our marriage, it helps me out personally. "putting my face on" every day keeps me feeling positive and ready to tackle the day. so, every day, i get the baby to sleep, and take a nice hot shower. this is my "special time." sometimes she sleeps through until i'm finished, sometimes not. if she wakes up, i just let her cry a little while i finish, because i know she will survive the next 10 minutes without me. :)

2. keep things tidy.
in my life before vada, i always made sure to do a few things every day to help keep things tidy and flowing smoothly in the house. i still do these things every day because they make me feel good: make the bed, sort the mail, and always keep the kitchen clean. making the bed is crucial now; the time i spend sleeping in it is so limited and precious, i want it to be as wonderful as possible by the time i make it there. sorting the mail cuts down on clutter times a million, and helps keep the bills paid on time. i try to wash the dishes as soon as we are finished with them. they are easier to clean that way, less disgusting, and i am much happier to do them if they aren't piled up to the ceiling. this took a lot of training because i hated doing dishes before. now i've tricked myself into believing it's fun. i also try to stay on top of the laundry as much as possible. i do a load at least every three days. just like the dishes, the smaller the loads are, the more likely i am to finish the job. (except i love doing laundry... don't know why :) )

3. go outside as much as possible
when it's not too hot, i sit outside on the front porch with vada, just to enjoy the scenery and fresh air. i water the flowers every day that it doesn't rain. greg and i go on a walk through the neighborhood almost every evening with vada. it's such a nice way to wind down the day, enjoy each other's company, and get a little exercise. and i think vada likes it too :)

4. do nice things for greg
making greg happy makes me really happy. with a newborn to feed and change (constantly) there are a limited number of hours in which to get things done. (i'm supposed to be "sleeping while she sleeps" but i hate naps, ugh.) i still try to take a second to do something nice for him every day. send him a nice email, a picture of vada, give him a call, rub his back at night, make him some iced tea and refill his glass... just something small to let him know that i love him and appreciate him.

5. try to stay in touch with the outside world as much as possible
this has been really hard because i wasn't allowed to drive for the first two weeks, and vada isn't supposed to be taken out in public places for two more... makes you feel a little stir-crazy some days. luckily, one of my best friends has a 7 week old baby, so we have each other to lean on and hang out with. just spending a few hours on the couch together watching tv and talking breaks up the day, and makes staying at home with a newborn a little less lonely (yes, it gets lonely sometimes.) our crying babies don't annoy each other, and we don't worry about nursing them in front of each other. my iphone is also a life saver. there is an app for google reader so i can stay on top of all the blogs i follow. (which is really awesome at like 3 or 4 am... keeps me awake!) i can look stuff up on the internet, check facebook, use twitter, check my email, text message... all with one hand while i'm nursing the baby. this will be easier in the coming weeks, once i'm allowed to tote her around with me wherever i go. little adventures!

so, that's what i do. pretty basic day-to-day stuff, but it's funny how easily these "basic" things can be lost or forgotten when baby comes. 

any other advice from moms out there? 

little snoozer
i love this little snoozer <3

[ image by me <3 ]

06/18/2009

best husband ever

on top of being so supportive, loving and helpful with the new baby, he totally surprised me yesterday with my belated "push" present... a 24 inch imac! i've wanted this for so long and was SO EXCITED yesterday when he brought one home from work! i am spoiled. 


24 inch imac

now we need to get our studio/office together and it will be creative inspiration and motivation central!! 

[ image from applestore.com <3 ]

06/16/2009

still alive...

vada 

vada renĂ©e szechenyi

06.07.09
6lbs 4oz  20 inches

vada and i have been very busy getting to know eachother :) 

<3

06/04/2009

must have these lights!!

i saw this post yesterday on apartment therapy about la case de cousin paul, a shop in paris that sells these beautiful strings of of lights. the website is really fun! you can create your own strand, pick colors and have them randomly arranged, or just buy a kit with pre-selected colors. 

la case de cousin paul

the shortest strand is about 5 feet long, and runs about $25 bucks. the only problem i foresaw was re-wiring the plug, since it is french. but! you can just buy the balls individually for about a dollar each and i'm sure it would be no problem shoving them on some white christmas lights. if you can't tell, i am really excited about this :) not sure what colors i would choose or where i would even put them, but i WILL have some of these delicious colored-thread ball lights in my home at some point. go play! 

[ image from la case de cousin paul <3 ]